Emotional Intelligence: A Foundational Beginning

Until recently, society has focused largely on intellectual and academic intelligence - kids were encouraged to become “book smart” and place all or most of their emphasis on what is accomplished in school academically.

However, a change has begun to take place. Society is starting to realize that if we want to raise healthy, productive, confident, and kind, members of society, we need to make the development of emotional intelligence a priority.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is how a person expresses and manages his feelings - while also respecting the feelings of others. Although many people assume that this skill is innate, emotional intelligence is actually something that should be taught.

It includes five core concepts: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

It’s not a new concept - in fact, it’s been around for decades, with the term first entering the mainstream with the book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman.

Many people struggle with emotional intelligence - it doesn’t come naturally to them. This could be because they were never directly taught about it or because of various physical, mental, cognitive, learning, or sensory conditions that make it harder to pick up on the various subtleties of emotional intelligence.

For example, children with ADHD have been known to struggle with emotional intelligence because they have difficulty paying close enough attention to pick up on subtleties in social cues.

Children with certain levels of autism, might not pick up on social cues at all. Interestingly enough, those with dyslexia often show very high emotional intelligence - likely because they’re able to think in the “bigger picture.”

The good news is that emotional intelligence is something that every child can began learning and in some cases having conditions that can prevent challenges in other areas can put them at an advantage.

Benefits of Emotional Intelligence

Having a high level of emotional intelligence is integral in helping navigate challenges and tricky situations in life. It also enables us to formulate positive connections with the people that surround us.

High emotional intelligence is also linked to high IQ. Children who understand their own emotions often perform better on standardized tests and have higher grades. Thus, schools have also jumped on board the emotional intelligence train.Many school officials understand how it can enable students to learn from and work through difficulties they encounter. It can prepare students to navigate through academic challenges, like figuring out how to solve a frustrating math problem despite feeling overwhelmingly frustrated.

As you might expect, kids who are emotionally intelligent tend to have better relationships, since they know how to manage conflict and can form deep bonds with their friends. They also tend to have better mental health with reduced rates of depression and other mental health challenges.

Finally, emotional intelligence, particularly childhood emotional intelligence, at a high level is linked to more successful outcomes in adulthood. A study published by the American Journal of Public Health indicated that children’s social and emotional skills in kindergarten could predict lifelong success.

How to Teach Emotional Intelligence

As you can see, the benefits of being emotionally intelligent are undeniable. So how can you foster emotional intelligence in your child?

It helps to label your child’s emotions. Don’t brush off an emotion that they are feeling by saying things such as "it’s just a tantrum or a mood" - or by ignoring it entirely. If your child is upset, you can acknowledge and validate their feelings and say, “It looks as though you are feeling mad (or upset, or angry, etc) right now. Is that correct?” Then, you can help them dig a little deeper to understand why they are feeling this way or just have the space to express themselves.

When a child can see that you understand how they’re feeling on the inside, they’ll feel less compelled to act out and will begin to view you as someone who can help them work through the process of navigating their own emotions, too.

Modeling is incredibly important, too. If you tend to brush aside your emotions and never give them a second thought, this behavior can pass on to your kids. Instead, teach your child how to express her feelings by modeling the skills yourself. Teaching healthy coping skills is another way you can do this - for example, instructing your child to take a few deep breaths when they’re angry and then modeling that behavior yourself can be helpful.

Of course, one of the easiest ways to cultivate emotional intelligence in your child is to make it a lifetime, long-term goal. Working with professionals to get your family on the right track can be useful - more on this below!

Make Emotional Intelligence a Long-Term Goal

One of the best ways to encourage emotional intelligence in your kids is to encourage exploration. Invite them to explore their own feelings and ask the “hard” questions. Once your child is able to move from a place of emotional frustration to one of curiosity, he will be better equipped with the skills he needs to navigate his own complex emotions.

Getting started on this road to a more open and explorative emotional state of being can be challenging. However, this is a journey that can produce life-changing results, so it’s an important one to consider.

You don’t have to go it alone. Consider working with Developing Young Minds, where your child’s care will be individually personalized and designed by licensed psychiatrists, therapists, and coaches. You can work alongside our professionals to discover the best ways to unlock and cultivate your child’s emotional IQ - all while your child picks up the skills they need to do it for themselves.

It’s no secret that many adults, even, struggle with balancing and understanding their own emotions. There’s no shame in asking the big questions - so start by asking yourself if working with Developing Young Minds could be right for you.